My best run (of this year)…

 

 

In my alternate Facebook life we were challenged to do a virtual Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving day. I laced up, went out, and ran my 5K in a decent amount of time. The weather was beautiful and it was nice to get out of my over-crowded with family and food house. It felt good to not be winded after one mile.

 

 On Saturday I was running a 5K for real, my first race since April and I actually had a time goal in mind. I had done this course before, so I knew that it was hilly and going to be a tough run. It was very, very cold (27 degrees) at the start of the race. On the first turn I rolled my ankle and was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to go on, but I did. I can honestly say that I never once thought about stopping or slowing down (except for the drink station, I always walk through those. Hal Higdon says it’s okay). When I saw the sign for 2 miles I knew I had it. I didn’t look at my watch because I was afraid that I might be going too slow to hit my goal of under 35:00. When I got to the 3 mile mark and had to run uphill for the last part of the race, I didn’t care, I felt AWESOME! I haven’t felt awesome on a run since January of 2011. I crossed the finish line in 34:53, under my time goal!

 

The other great thing about Saturday was it was the first race my husband, my son and I had all ran since March of 2011. We didn’t bring the baby because of the cold and I didn’t want to push that damn jogging stroller up those hills.

 

Yesterday on my first week of half marathon training I was running and I finally had a happy moment to hold onto, that wasn’t from 2 or 3 years ago. I cherish my good run memories and they really motivate me to keep going or go faster. I want to get back to the point of where running doesn’t feel like a chore, and I think I might be on my way!

Ah-Ha!!!! Lightbulb moment!

I tend to do a lot of self-reflecting this time of year. The month of November has so many events that are special/require. My birthday is the 3^rd, I had my first date with my husband on the 14^th, my cousin’s death was the 15^th, my wedding anniversary is the 18^th and my first divorce was final on the 27^th.  Also, there is a little holiday in there called Thanksgiving. So I tend to do a lot of “remember when” and “I can’t believe it’s been…that long”.

 While recuperating from this icky illness I have been fighting something very important dawned on me. I have been losing weight for over a year, not very much at a time but I have made decent/good food decisions for quiet sometime now. I went back and looked at my online food diaries and I have been tracking my eating habits since August of 2011. Now, not everyday and there was a span of two weeks where I didn’t write anything down. I just wish that I would have tried harder and worked out more and maybe I would have been thinner sooner, but I wasn’t ready. I really feel like I am on the verge of making this my lifestyle and not just a means to an end.

 

I am finally feeling some sort of success with my running. Yesterday I went out to do a 30 minute run, with a 5 minute warm-up walk and a 5-minute cool down. I felt so good that I started running 2 minutes into the warm-up and I didn’t stop until I saw 3.1 miles on my Garmin. I ran for 36 minutes without stopping!

 

When I get home from work and working out I have enough energy to clean up the kitchen, do some laundry, and get everything ready for the next day without feeling like I am dying from exhaustion.

 

I really feel like I have reached a positive turning point on this journey!

Another Year Older, Another Year Better (IMHO)

 

Saturday was my 37^th birthday. I am actually at a time in my life where I am not stressing about my age. My big focus is that number on the scale J. When I turned 25, I freaked out and then again at 30. Birthday #35 was fun, because I was pregnant. Last year was a mess and so this year had to better, right? The week started off badly because my mother-in-law was unable to come down for a visit, so I had to cancel my party since we had no sitter. I love my little guy, but going out to dinner with him is NOT fun. I was in a funk the majority of the week because of it. Then, some drama at work got me all upset. Finally, to finish it off-the hubby and I got into a HUGE argument on my actual birthday. Really put a damper on my party spirit. However, I put on my big girl panties and a big smile on my face and moved on. My friends decided that I still needed to have party, we would just take turns wresting the baby. We got together and had some sushi. My stepdad and little brother were able to come down as well, hubby bought me some Sperry’s and new sunglasses-so it was all good.

 

Through all of this stress, drama, and fighting I NEVER once reached for chocolate or alcohol to soothe myself. Even on my birthday I didn’t eat cake or brownies or cupcakes. I got a child’s serving of gelato and called it done. I seriously had to pat myself on the back for that one.

We partyed really hard on Saturday :)

 

On Sunday (hubby and I made up BTW) we decided to go run one of our favorite trails. I haven’t run on that path since April, so I wasn’t really looking forward to it. I am using the 10K Runner App to train for a race later this month, and I decided that I would just use that as workout. I had the baby (28 pounds) in the jogging stroller (25 pounds) and it was windy, I was not looking forward to this run at all. I started with my five minute warm-up walk and then it was time to run for 10 minutes. This neighborhood has all sorts of hills and inclines. Pushing the stroller up and down was NOT fun or easy. I got to the 3 minute walk break and slowed down. The second segment was also a 10 minute run and I headed off. I got to 10 minutes and felt fine so I went ahead and jogged through the 5 minute cool down as well. I looked at my GPS and realized that I was only a half mile from a 5K, so I just kept running. When it was all over I had complete a hilly 5K with a jogging stroller, walking for eight minutes in 41:30. I almost cried. This was the first time that I actually felt like I was getting my jogging “groove” back after almost 2 years.

 

Yesterday was my weekly Weight Watchers meeting and I went for another run. This time I had to run 20 minutes with stopping and I did it! I was doing a happy dance at the end of the run because I felt so good.

 

Today I am going to go out and run again-it’s okay to get a year older!

I got this-I think.....

Good afternoon blog world.  I am officialy one and half months into my Weight Watchers journey and 24 days into my fitness challenge. I have had one bad week and still managed to drop almost 2 pounds. What I am having so much trouble with is what we all struggle with; keeping it all together. The house, the groceries, the cooking, the working out, the laundry, the hubby and the mothering are wearing me out. On Sunday I got up at 8:30 and was in the kitchen until 1:00 that afternoon trying to prep for this week. I need this to get easier. I need to feel like I am in control and right now I don't feel that way. I desperately want to make sure my children have healthy food and snacks on the table every night. I don't want my kiddo to exist on a diet of Mac and Cheese, but some nights I just want to scramble some egg whites and eat some toast, that's it. In fact, I could do that almost every single night and not be unsatisfied. However, the hubby depends on me to fix his lunch-this is something I don't mind doing but it puts a lot of pressure on me to come up with ideas for him too. I don't usually bring my lunch because I can get a salad here at school. I am just feeling very defeated because I haven't hit the 5% mark at my meetings yet.

Small Town Musings.....

I am big fan of the TV show "Glee".  I can't sing or dance, but I LOVE music. In the show the kids who don't leave their hometowns refer to themselves as "Lima Losers". I was watching last week's episode it made me think of how I felt in high school and how all I wanted to do was leave Bryan County, Oklahoma and all it's small-mindeness in the dust. I wanted to move to the "big" city and realize my dreams. Whatever...I did leave Bryan County, but guess what? I am still living in a small-town with all its drama and doing the same exact thing I would have done at home. Am I a loser because of this? No, I don't think so. I don't think our dreams should be defined by where we actually accomplish them. My goal and dreams were to love and be loved, be successful and productive member of society. I think I am. I try to shape future generations for the better, I have a nice home, a nice car and an awesome family. I have decided that getting away from home did make me a better person, but I really didn't get that far.

Why I am a Beautiful Disaster

Why I am a beautiful disaster

Trying to condense 36 years of chaos into a small blog entry is challenging. I have had to wade through some seriously messed up things and decide what I want to share and what I need to share and what needs to be pushed to the back of my mind permanently.

November 3, 1975 I came into this world, early (for the first and LAST time I imagine) and was greeted by a reluctant mother and eager father. Fast forward 10 years, reluctant mother has custody of me and eager father is on the East Coast. Reluctant mother makes sure I know that I am totally NOT want she wanted in a daughter. I am NOT cute, NOT athletic and NOT skinny. Those three things are held over my head for my entire childhood and teen age years-any wonder I have self-esteem issues? Despite all the negativity from my mother I had a decent time in high school and I bear only a few scars from it, but don’t we all?

Skip to 1995, I am a married mother and full-time college student. I gained 80 pounds while I was pregnant and I managed to shed about 40 of it. I weigh around 170 and I wear a size 14. I do Fen-Phen, Advocare, and exercise through my college years, yet never get back into my beloved size 6s from high school. I get over it though, bigger problems are looming. Husband decides I need to be traded in for a newer, younger, but not thinner model. Marriage ends-horribly and I move from my hometown to Dallas, Texas to be closer to my work.

 

It is 2002 I am now 27 years old, divorced and have no idea what I want out of my life. I am still overweight, but honestly it is the last thing on my mind. I sign up for Yahoo! Personals and after a few disastrous dates meet this super duper normal awesome guy…five years later we get married (our relationship should be an entire blog itself). By 2007 I have ballooned up to 215 pounds (fat and happy, anyone??). One thing I should note, even when I was wearing a size 20 I ALWAYS fixed my hair, wore make-up and bought cute, trendy clothes. I used jewelry and clothes to hide my size.

I let my weight get out of control because I was too busy enjoying my new and improved life. After being in a miserable relationship for most of my formative years the happiness and love I was experiencing was such a rush.  We grew fat together because we were always going out to eat. Occasionally we would go on a health kick, but always lapsed back into our bad habits.

August 2008 was the first turning point for me. We bought a boat. That means swimsuits and water toys. I was absolutely humiliated when I was told by a wakeboarding instructor that I was “too heavy” for a woman’s board and had to buy a man’s board. December 2008 was the breaking point. Three things happened. First, I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and put on medication to treat it, second my blood sugar came back as pre-diabetic, and lastly I stumbled across the season finale of “Biggest Loser” and was completely intrigued by the show. I had heard about it, but honestly thought it was making fun of fat people. So, when January rolled around I started watching it. Seeing a 400+ pound man run on the treadmill took away any excuse I had at that point but I really didn’t know where to start. Also, husband and I decided that we wanted a baby and with my health and weight a healthy pregnancy was not going to happen.



March, 2009 230 Pounds

Starting January, 2009 I began walking a little bit 2-3 times a day on my treadmill. I really wanted to be able to walk a mile in under….20:00 minutes. That is how fat and slow I was. I started counting calories and in March, 2009 I started the Medifast program. I was very successful with Medifast and I continued exercising, progressing from walking to running a little bit at a time. By October, 2009 I was down to 160 pounds and running 20 miles a week. I started training for a half marathon. In 2010 I successfully ran 2 half-marathons in 2 months finishing 2:25 and 2:26 and I was down to 150 pounds. I had lost 80 pounds in 10 months, I was so proud of myself.



May, 2010 150 pounds

 In August of 2010 I was given a wonderful job as a school librarian. I really believed that I had it all, dream job, dream husband, and on my way to a dream body. Then, something even more awesome happened-I was pregnant! I finally had everything I had ever worked for and my life was good. I dealt with the fear of gaining by watching what I ate (mostly) and running, running, running. I wish I could tell you that the story ends here and happily, but this is real life and when do we EVER get all that we want?

January 19^th, 2011 should have been a joyous occasion. The hubs and I were going to find out if our little miracle was a boy or girl. Instead, I get a call from my principal telling me that my “dream” job will be ending in May. No more school librarian, I have to go back to the classroom. I hold back my tears through my sonogram (it was a boy) and spend the next week constantly crying about my future job loss. So, I go run and run, and run some more. Unfortunately I start having dizzy spells and heart palpitations, the doctor tells me to cut back on the cardio, then she tells me to stop running and by March I can’t even walk for exercise. I can only be up and around on an as needed basis. I had managed to only gain 15 pounds through 6 months of pregnancy. Between hormones and stress and no way to manage that stress I gained 48 pounds total. I came home from the hospital weighing more than when I was admitted.



May, 2011 9 months preggo

August 2011, school starts and I weigh around 220 (again) and I honestly DO NOT care. I am still wearing maternity clothes, my hair is in a permanent ponytail, my make-up is nonexistent, my baby isn’t sleeping through the night, and my husband is having health problems. I hate having to walk past the library everyday. I try to go back on Medifast in November, and I manage to lose about 10 pounds in two months. My attitude SUCKS. I hate everything and almost everyone all the time.



Halloween, 2011 215ish

 January 2012, we start a “Biggest Loser” competition at school. I managed to lose 20 pounds from January to June, yes 6 looonnngg months and that I all I dropped. I didn’t even lose a pants size. I started running a little, but nothing much.  During the summer I kind of get motivated again, but then it got hot, then school started and here I am.



October, 2012 190 pounds

 September/October 2012 I am finally ready to shed the baby weight and get back on the fitness track. I am dealing with the reality that I may never be a librarian again, but it’s okay. I have a job that pays me enough to live my life, gives me time with my family, and gives me time to devote to diet and exercise. I had to start thinking about what is good about my life and there are a whole lot of great things. I had to start caring about my appearance again. I bought some bigger clothes (to get out of the maternity clothes) and I make an effort to fix my hair and make-up. I had to drop the “I lost 80 pounds in 10 months, so this should be easy attitude”.  I joined Weight Watchers in order to help me relearn to eat better. I am slowly starting to run again. I want to lose 60 pounds by October 2013 and I want to run a half-marathon in March, 2012. I WILL do it.

Monday, Monday....

I am ever so thankful that I took the time to read Mama Laughlin and join the ML Fit Campers. It provides me with daily inspiration and support that I desperately need right now. I am little leary about starting my 31 days with Jillian challenge this evening, but I WILL do it.

The Weight Watchers thing is going surprisingly well, at the moment. I had a really bad time emotionally on Friday. The weather messed up my plans and I didn't have anything ready for dinner. I called the hubs and begged him to let me order pizza. "It's only 500 calories for 2 slices..." was my mantra. In the end I went home and cooked fish planks (which ironically he ate 4 pieces which equaled 500 calories, the pizza would have tasted a whole lot better), corn, and broccoli. I ate it and tried to be happy. Around 10:00 that night all I wanted was a brownie or a cake to stuff in my face, ugly words thrown at the husband, and a few tears later I ate one of WW 2 points bars-crisis averted.

I didn't work out Friday or Saturday. So yesterday I laced up the shoes, put the baby in the stroller and went out. Did I mention that my baby weighs 28 pounds and the stroller weighs 20??? I haven't tried to run with the stroller in a while. KICKED MY BUTT  the entire, felt completely slow and defeated. I only did 2.25 mile in 36:00 minutes, but it was movement and I felt better because of it.

I weigh in tonight at WW and I am hoping to see a drop. I have seen a drop on my scale at home, but that is in the morning, with an empty stomach and bladder. I drink at least a gallon of water a day at work.