It has been a long time since I have written a long blog. Oh, I
have written my thoughts down in many places but then just threw them all away
or hit the “delete” button. Often times I feel like my thoughts aren’t worth sharing
and nobody is really interested in what I have to say. I must get over that!
Anyway…over at the MLFC we are doing a Biggest Loser challenge
and today is our weigh-in day. I have lost .2 this week, no not 2 pounds, 2
tenths of a pound but hey a loss is a loss, however small. I am just doing
Weight Watchers online, I simply couldn’t afford the extra money for meetings
at this time. I will go back but not for a while. I know why I am not losing
weight. I am not exercising hard or long enough, nor am I eating the right
kinds of food. I need to be running and doing something else at least 4 times a
week. Right now, I am doing good to simply get a 30 minute run two or three times a week. My half marathon is in March and it is going to SUCK.
Why I have started to hate running: Running isn’t easy, but
I have always enjoyed it because it made me feel powerful. It was so great to
see myself progress quickly and watch the weight fall away and my times
decrease every time I went out. This time around, its not happening. I haven’t
done anything with consistency. I took two weeks, sort of, off, and I lost almost
all of my progress. I can’t even run a 5K without having to walk for one
minute, and that makes me angry. I nearly lost it on Sunday during my virtual
Australia Day 5K. I had ran on Friday, so it shouldn’t have been a big deal. I
wasn’t feeling good but I laced up and went out. I made it one freakin’ mile
before I was in so much foot pain I couldn’t lift my feet. I just went nuts. I started
bawling and screaming a lot “FTS” in the middle of the neighborhood because I
knew why my feet were hurting.
In 2005 when I was probably at my heaviest I had plantar
facitis and it was awful. I had to wear good, sturdy (ugly) shoes that were
ridiculously expensive and orthopedic inserts. It took me almost a year to get
over it completely. I took great care of my feet and always wore the ugly
supportive shoes. Shopping on clearance racks and trendy shoes were not options
for me. When I lost the majority of my weight, I was finally able to wear cute,
cheap and trendy shoes. While pregnant I was back to the ugly, expensive, and
supportive shoes because my feet ached and hurt so much. So, since losing most
of my pregnancy weight I started wearing my cute shoes again, much to my dismay
on Sunday I realized that my feet were in bad shape again. That one realization
made want to throw all caution to the wind, stop running, go home and stuff my
face because what is the point of losing weight if I can’t look cute and wear
cute things (without having spend an arm and a leg)?
I let this pity party continue for about 3 minutes, snot
running down my nose, tears running down face, and the expletives still
exploding from my mouth. Then I decided to do what Bruce Wayne did in “The Dark
Knight Rises”-Rise up..literally. I rose up on the balls of my feet and began
running. I tried to not let my heel strike the ground at all. Before pregnancy
I had the perfect foot strike, but now for some reason I have a horrible
gait/stride and I am working to overcome it. While up on the balls of my feet,
it didn’t hurt. It slowed me down and I really had to pay attention but I was
able to keep going. I got my 5K in and in under forty minutes.
I walked back in the house and told my husband to remind me
to wear shoes when I am in the house, no more running around barefoot, no more
flip flops, and no more ballet flats at work (where I am up and around almost
all day). I have to take care of my feet or I can’t run and if I can’t run, I
can’t lose weight.
I went for a run on Monday and it didn't suck, it wasn't great but I didn't cry. Right now for me running isn’t the therapy that it once was,
nor is it the stress reliever that I really need in my life, but I WILL
continue to run, I WILL get faster, and I WILL stop hating it.
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