I Hate Trying to Come Up with Catchy Titles

I haven't blogged since Thanksgiving. I haven't wanted to or had the time. This is has been one of the shittiest weeks I have ever lived through and I have had some really bad weeks. I can't go into great detail about my shitty week, but in a nutshell when it rains, it pours. I was very strong last Sunday when all it went down and continued to plaster a smile on my face, eat heathily, work out, and take care of everyone. My wonderful, awesome mother-in-law drove six hours in the pouring rain to get here to help out. I could have lost it when she got here, but I didn't. I stayed strong and focused until today. I am tired of feeling guilty about going over my point allowance on Weight Watchers, I am tired of saying no to foods I love, and I am sooooooo tired of feeling guilty that I don't work out enough or hard enough. So, this evening I ate 2 slices of pizzas, 2 breadsticks, 4 chocolate dunkers and 4 chocolate chip cookies. Do I feel like crap physically, yes because I haven't eat that much in one sitting in months, do I feel like crap mentally, no I feel fine actually. Will I get up and go run my nine miles tomorrow morning? I don't know yet, the weather is also pretty shitty right now and I am a big old wimp. 

On a slightly positive note, I am realizing that the vast majority of my clothes are too big! I dug out my "skinnier" clothes and donated many of my "fat" clothes. 

I feel like I look better, but the scale tells me otherwise and the damn voice in my head says, " running 45 minutes a day isn't good enough you need to do more, or you will never be good enough". I can't make it stop and it is driving me crazy. 

I am actually at the weight I was when I found I was pregnant but I feel like I need to shed at least 30 more pounds to get to a number that makes me happy.