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Saturday, January 12, 2013

I Hate Trying to Come Up with Catchy Titles

I haven't blogged since Thanksgiving. I haven't wanted to or had the time. This is has been one of the shittiest weeks I have ever lived through and I have had some really bad weeks. I can't go into great detail about my shitty week, but in a nutshell when it rains, it pours. I was very strong last Sunday when all it went down and continued to plaster a smile on my face, eat heathily, work out, and take care of everyone. My wonderful, awesome mother-in-law drove six hours in the pouring rain to get here to help out. I could have lost it when she got here, but I didn't. I stayed strong and focused until today. I am tired of feeling guilty about going over my point allowance on Weight Watchers, I am tired of saying no to foods I love, and I am sooooooo tired of feeling guilty that I don't work out enough or hard enough. So, this evening I ate 2 slices of pizzas, 2 breadsticks, 4 chocolate dunkers and 4 chocolate chip cookies. Do I feel like crap physically, yes because I haven't eat that much in one sitting in months, do I feel like crap mentally, no I feel fine actually. Will I get up and go run my nine miles tomorrow morning? I don't know yet, the weather is also pretty shitty right now and I am a big old wimp. 

On a slightly positive note, I am realizing that the vast majority of my clothes are too big! I dug out my "skinnier" clothes and donated many of my "fat" clothes. 

I feel like I look better, but the scale tells me otherwise and the damn voice in my head says, " running 45 minutes a day isn't good enough you need to do more, or you will never be good enough". I can't make it stop and it is driving me crazy. 

I am actually at the weight I was when I found I was pregnant but I feel like I need to shed at least 30 more pounds to get to a number that makes me happy.

1 comment:

  1. dont know whats going on, but sending happy thoughts your way!

    the scale is NOT anywhere near as important as your measurements, which if you are in your skinny clothes, are dropping and that is what is MOST important!!!

    hope this next week is a good one for you!!!